Happy Birthday Mackenzie K.!

One of the hardest decisions that I had to make this year was if I was going to share and celebrate one of the hardest life moments that I ever faced.

On March 23, 2016 - My greatest life accomplished was born Miss Mackenzie Kadence Duke. Yet, within seconds Mackenzie was gone.

She was simply beautiful and my weight loss coach. She had been keeping my weight down for 21 weeks and did not allow me to eat much of anything.

By the time, I knew Mackenzie was conceived, I had dealt with four miscarriages and was not trying to get pregnant. Sometimes I wonder how I ever got pregnant with her lol. I had just quit a job that was absolutely terrible. I was trying to re-group and get my life in order. Plus, I had gotten a new puppy. That's all the commitment I needed at that present time.

Yet,  Mackenzie was still my blessing. I definitely viewed this baby as a rainbow after so many storms in my life. Every doctor's visit with her was scary. When you have multiple miscarriages like I have, you loathe doctor's appointment. They give you extreme anxiety and run your blood pressure up terribly high. But, she was worth it. In future posts, I plan to share our time with Mackenzie.

But today, I just want to say:

Happy Birthday Kenzie K!

So, Happy Birthday Mackenzie K!

We wish you could be here with us, but we know that you can't. Your Daddy and I will always love you.

I wonder about you all the time. I know you would have Marcus wrapped around your finger by now.  Everyone said that you looked like him. I guess I would give him that lol. I know we would have been able to gang up on him though.

Sometimes I feel like you should be in the car with me as I drive down the road. But, I look through my rearview mirror, and I realize that you didn't come home with me.

There are many days that I wonder did I do everything possible to keep you here with me. The doctors and my family tell me I did. Obviously, I don't feel like I did enough. They tell me God loves you best. So, it must be a whole lot more in comparison to the love I have for you. I have to trust that. And, also know that Grandaddy Frank and Miss Maeola are loving on you too.

But, today is your day, and we will celebrate. I will make sure I eat some cake for you!! I plan to wear purple. I made that your favorite color. You would have loved Daisy Duck, that would have been your birthday theme. I will probably get some purple balloons today, and I hope they reach you. I hope you feel my love, every time I kiss your picture.

There was a song I planned to dedicate to you. I seem to hear it all the time now. Sometimes a little too much. But, I hope that it means that you are with me.

You are just the best, my lovebug, my baby. I love you forever.