Yes, it has truly been a few months since I wrote on this blog. But, I'm gonna try to get back started again. But never in a million years, did I think that I would be doing this post.
On June 7, 2017, my life unexpectedly changed. My mother, "Nita", Carol Deloris Gilbert left this earth. DEVASTATION does not describe what I felt or even feel now. Complete unbelief and utter shock engulfed me. And, I probably still have that around me.
My husband had to help me realize that my Mother was truly everything to me. I always wanted to make her proud. I never wanted to disappoint her. I never wanted her to worry about me. As long as I had my mother here on this earth, I knew I had a spiritual covering and a safety net. I always had a place to go. And, if I hit rock bottom, I knew that she would be there. My #1 supporter.
I am honestly still grappling my brain around this. I truly miss her everyday. And I'm so hurt, because I'm not sure if my Moma really knew how great I thought she was. My mom was a single mother and she endured so much to give my brother and I the best. I absolutely hate that now I can't tell her what she meant to me.
She was so passionate about ministry and her non-profit work. I don't even have a quarter of the stamina that she had lol
She was like any other mother. Sometimes, she would be too concerned. And, a lot of times, she did the opposite of what I would ask her to do. But, now I am so glad that she did.
She always asked about my dog Louie and would buy him little gifts. And, my mother hated dogs lol.
See, I am not really a lovey, dovey person. I am really just beginning to learn how to be a better communicator about my feelings. We said to each other "I love you" often, and I'm grateful for that. But, I can only pray now that my mother left this earth knowing how awesome I really thought she was and how much I truly loved her. I wanted to give my mother the world, because I knew she always tried to give her best to me--even when she didn't have it to give or should have never given it.
When I do write now, you may see a lot of reference to my mother. I'm still trying to make her proud. I'm trying to carry out her legacy and do things how I know that she would have wanted them.
When people tell you to treasure life's moments with the people you love most, PLEASE BELIEVE THEM. Tell the people that you care about that you love them. As young adults, you may think that you have all the time in the world with your parents. And some of you will, and others won't. I guarantee you the time will never be enough. So, please do what you can to spend time with your parents. Do something that they would like to do. I promise you will be glad that you did in the long run.
I had no idea that June 3 would be the last time I would see my mom alive or that June 6 (or even in the year of 2017) would be the last time I would hear my mother's voice. I am glad that I got to talk to her, but what I would not give to tell that woman how much I love her again.